Biggest Win in the history of Wins

They say honesty is the best policy.   Apparently they were right:

Less than 20 words.  To put that into perspective,  there are more words in this sentence than it took for this girl to agree to spontaneous sex. God bless Tinder.


P.S.- I think all credit for this win belongs to the adjectives and adverbs here.  Perhaps throwing a little "50 shades of Grey" into your vernacular is all it takes to make a woman drop to her knees.  More research on this to come.

Another Baffling Failure

Strange,  I always thought women loved the artsy type.  She's probably a lesbian. 

Easy Victory

I decided to tone down the whole "some things missing" pick up line.  I mean, if suggesting that a girl needs my dick in her mouth almost gets me a date, then surely if I class it up a little. ..

BAM! Science.

Big Stuff

Nothing much to say about this one.  Some chicks just can't handle the D. 

Dragon Ballz

I'm not quite sure what to make of this one.  All things were going smoothly until she pointed out it says in her profile that she moved to Utah...

Hey, lady, here's an idea: If you move to another state,  change your fucking location settings.   The good news is that if life ever takes me to Utah, I've already stacked the cards to make it seem like I'd made the trip just for her blowjob.  That's what I like to call romance.

Rejection Win

I feel pretty good about this one:

Sure, she said she wasn't interested.  Sure she either blocked or deleted her account after talking to me.  You know what she didn't do?  She didn't call me ugly.   Win in my book any day.

Solid Win

Not the most traditional route to a first date, but a definite notch on the win column.

Apparently, she has no problems with kidnapping.   This info may come in handy on our date. 

Possible Date

Pretty sure I started with a strong premise here...

Somewhere god only knows, the conversation went from guaranteed hook up to only the possibility of a date.  Absolutely baffling.  Perfect example of how women are impossible to figure out. 

On a side note, I do feel sorry about her disability.

Winner, Winner Chicken Tinder!

So apparently the key to securing a date is to use the same pick up line you'd use in grade school.  For those of you keeping score at home, this is a win by technicality only, as any chick who even responds to this pick up line beyond the age of 12 is the same type of chick who will boil your pet rabbit to surprise you with dinner while you're off at work.

No, I did not go on that date.

Slipped Away

Hell, I'm not even sure the gardener's name is Jesus.  Now that I think about it, it's probably Jose. 

[edit: Turns out his name is Frank and he doesn't speak Spanish either. Who knew?]

So Close...

I suspect she may have pulled the age thing out of her ass, unless she seriously considers somebody a year younger to be too young.  Which I guess is acceptable thinking... if you're in fucking highschool.

Welcome To OKStewpid

Here you will find daily screenshots of pick up lines of all flavors actually used on dating sites along with the responses they receive.  This site will be depressing, offensive, boring, and just plain strange.  Hopefully it will benefit mankind as I intend it to.

Here's your first taste:

Honestly, I still think I have a chance with this one...